The Tiny Tank – Hellfire and Death Knights

Interest was  a bit nervous about queuing up for her first dungeon.  “What if the healer doesn’t like me? What if the dps don’t respect my threat?” she worried. “Everyone says death knights just faceroll. I don’t want to faceroll. I want to do a good job.”

She decided to seek out a friend of hers, as much as she had friends. She wasn’t one of Interest’s clients, but she’d heard of her a few times. Another death knight, but a Worgen. She didn’t have very clear memories of her time under Arthas’ command, but she really hadn’t remembered any worgen. But in the last few months she’d seen dozens just sort of pop up. It was kind of strange, actually.

“Hi Adverse,” she said when she found the other death knight, who was just lounging around Stormwind. Interest really didn’t like this town much. Everyone here was too tall and she still had memories of coming here to talk to the King after the battle at Light’s Hope. Even now she expected guards to throw rotten fruit.

Adverse was lounging in a tavern in the Dwarven District. “Hey Interest. What’s going on?”

“I’m embarking on a stretch of leveling,” Interest explained. “Going to queue for dungeons. I thought perhaps you’d like to come along? I’m tanking.”

Adverse set down her glass. She was in human form. It made her look less scary. “I might be interested,” she agreed. “Though at our level the dungeon finder is full of death knights.”

“Yes, but still, I know what I’m doing. I think.”

Adverse looked down at her and nodded. “Sure. It’s worth a try.”

Interest had to wait while Adverse got ready. She hadn’t been doing much adventuring either. The problem of underemployed Death Knights had been an article in the Azeroth Business Times just last month.  At the time Interest had just been glad she was a banker, instead of a layabout in a gutter like a lot of her fellow ex-minions of the Lich King seemed to be. Oh, there were the shining stars of the Death Knight lifestyle who had made it to level cap – twice – and tanked for elite raids. But for every one of those there were three more who were still wearing their starter gear, sitting around in Stormwind’s Trade District.

“Ok, I’m ready,” Adverse said, startling Interest out of her reverie. Interest closed her eyes, screwed up her courage, and queued as a tank.

Nothing happened. She opened her eyes slowly. Still in Stormwind. “What happened?” she asked. “I thought tank queues were fast?”

“Not at this level.” Adverse rolled her eyes. “Every dk fresh out of the Plaguelands thinks he can tank, and queues that way. It’s healers who get fast queues at 58.”

“Oh.” She felt a bit foolish. “I see.”

“Don’t worry, the queue doesn’t seem so bad. Have a drink. Calm down.” Adverse sat back at the bar, leaning her giant sword up next to her.

Interest couldn’t relax though. She paced up and down – and then suddenly the room dissolved and was replaced. She was standing on a rampart, a doorway behind her, a bridge in front of her, and an Orc moving toward her across the bridge.

“Don’t worry, he won’t pull yet,” Adverse said. Interest looked around. Who were her companions?

Well, there was Adverse. And a Night Elf… Death Knight. And another worgen… Death Knight. And one very, very lonely looking gnome priest.

“Oh dear,” Interest said. “This will be interesting.”

“Hurry up or they’ll pull for you,” Adverse warned.

“Gogogo,” said the Night Elf, bouncing on her toes.

“Ok, I’m going.” Interest pulled her sword off her back, took a deep breath, and charged.

The next few minutes were  a rush of blood and disease and death. She knew she wasn’t working her rotation in the most optimal fashion. She kept letting orcs get behind her to strike at her back. And her health bounced alarmingly. But she fought the other three DKs for aggro, kept mobs off the healer, and they left a pile of corpses in their wake.

They got upstairs and found a huge demon lurking. She’d never faced anything like this before! She charged in. The demon lord taunted her as she attacked, but she didn’t hesitate until he fell.

Whoosh! Something almost hit her in the face. She stepped back, puzzled.

“That’s just an achievement,” Adverse said. “Come on, you must have got them before.”

“Maybe,” she said. “It’s been a while. And why does it come up n ow? We still have a boss to kill, we haven’t finished this place.”

“Dunno. Guess they made a mistake.” Adverse shrugged. “Let’s go get that dragon guy.”

They chased over to the other platform. Interest killed the last two guards and that seemed to alert the guy flying around on the dragon. You had to give him credit for alertness, Interest mused. All the people she’d slaughtered, but he was finally taking notice.

“You have faced many challenges!” he roared, circling on his dragon. “Pity they were all in vain!”

She ignored his words and waited until he was off his dragon, then charged him as he raced toward her party. He roared in anger, and she roared back, chopping at his knees. He seemed to be at a distinct disadvantage in striking back; her small size made her a hard target to hit. Meanwhile the other DKs gathered around and hammered on him. With a groan, he dropped to the ground.

And now his dragon landed. She turned to face the new threat, and the dragon breathed fire at her. It hurt. A lot. Being small was no protection against dragonflames! She felt like she was roasting inside her beautiful heirloom plate.

Behind her she could hear the healer frantically chanting. At her side, Adverse  swung her own blade ferociously. Interest managed to turn the dragon away from their healer and desperately popped a cooldown.

Then, suddenly the dragon collapsed. She stepped back, dropped her sword, and took a deep breath of clean air.

“Nice job,” Adverse said. “Oh, darn, he didn’t drop anything good. Well maybe the Satchel of Annoying Goods will be ….” she grimaced. “Intellect plate. Again. Do I look like a paladin?”

Interest gazed up at her tall friend, clad in the same golden heirlooms that she herself wore. Maybe just a bit,” she said cautiously “Only from the waist up though. You look like a Death Knight to me.”

Adverse grumbled something she didn’t quite catch. “I’m off for a pint,” the Worgen announced, and disappeared.

Interest looked again at the body of her fallen foes, and grinned. This is more fun than I thought.

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The Tiny Tank – Lighter pockets = better leveling

Analogue notes: Reversion wrote this companion piece to my post earlier in the week about the launching of my Death Knight’s career.

“Hey there.” A voice spoke from the nearby alley. “I hear you got a guild bank to unload.”

Interest looked up at the stranger and then looked up again. He was hunched over but he was still very tall…. And hairy. ‘Oh great,’ she thought, ‘one of those dog/humans.’ Still, she had always felt a pang of kinship toward the other outcasts and refugees that the Alliance had taken in. And she was DEAD, so she could hardly complain about their smell.

The rogue’s shoulder pads were almost as wide as he was tall. They looked like hand-me-downs and his pants looked as if they had been stolen, from a hobo…. A dead hobo… a re-killed undead hobo… that someone’s dog had slept in. That last part made sense.

“Look, I won’t ask how you got it but I can give you a good deal on it.” The rogue flashed a disarming grin. It failed because she had no weapon equipped. She frowned in annoyance at the implication.

“I will have you know I built this guild myself and everything in that bank is mine via honest business transactions.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” The worgen growled something under his breath. It might have been ‘they all say that’ but she was not certain. “That is your business. Mine is to keep things safe for people. I will sit on your guild until you are done leveling or whatever you are doing.”

Her frown deepened. “How did you… I mean what makes you think I am leveling? Who ARE you?”

“A little birdie told me that you need to lose your guild for a bit. I told her I could keep it safe for you.”

“A little birdie?” she asked.

“Well it might have been a druid. Who can tell?” The Rogue grinned again. She wished he would stop doing that. He had a bit of murloc in his teeth.

‘That must have been Analogue,’ she thought. ‘So nice of her to get everything arranged for me.’

“Thanks!” She smiled genuinely. If Analogue trusted him then he must be reliable. “I will let you know when I need it back.” She hummed to herself as she Ginvited him. “Now how do I transfer… Oh there it is.”

“How much…” The worgen’s eyes widened as the guild leadership transferred. “You don’t wan… Eh…”

“Thanks so much!” Interested said. “Now I am off to level.” She turned to leave and then remembered something. “Oh my, I almost forgot to get your name..”

The rogue was standing there with a surprised look. Slowly it transformed into another toothy grin. He did seem in rather good spirits. She supposed he was a nice guy despite his looks. After all, Analogue trusted him.

“Abscond. My name is Abscond. Nice doing business with you.”

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The Tiny Tank – Intro

Once upon a time there was a Death Knight named Interest. She was a gnome who had escaped the Lich King’s thrall and made her way to Ironforge, where she set herself up as a businesswoman. Her contacts used her as a go between, to sell off the spoils of their adventures.

Day after day she’d handle Infinite Dust, Pyrite Ore, and Netherweave bags by the dozen. Every now and then she’d send a big pile of gold off to one of her contacts. Day after day she made the circuit between the Auction House, the bank, and the mailbox, her noble Deathcharger reduced to running the fifteen steps she was too lazy to walk. It wasn’t the most thrilling life, but it was a life, so there you go.

One day, one of her best customers came to talk. Invariant was a gnome like her, but a mage, and level 85 while Interest was a mere 58. But there’d always been a kind of kinship between them. They even looked similar. Interest wondered whether they had been distantly related, back when she was alive.

“So I just dug up this thing,” Invariant said.  “I’m a mage, I don’t use two handed strength swords.”

Interest examined it. “If I could sell this, we could make a lot of money.”

“But we can’t,” Invariant pointed out. “And nobody else wants it…”

Interest thought about her other clients. Analogue couldn’t use a sword. Elucidate, another gnome friend, was a priest and this was useless to her. “What about Divergent?” She’d always admired that  big Paladin. Paladins were shiny and clean and got respect. Not like Death Knights. Nobody actually likes Death Knights.

“She hit 85 and went Holy/Prot.” Invariant shrugged. “Said no way in hell is she going Ret. She’ll dual spec Holy first.”

So what, you want me to stash this away? I’m running out of space.”

“Silly!” Invariant grinned at her. “I want you to use it.”

“I can’t even equip it, I’m not high enough.”

“Right. So you’re going to have to level up.” With that, Invariant teleported away, off to whatever adventures she had these days. (Based on what she sent Interest to sell, Interest was pretty sure she spent most of her time in the city making Netherweave Bags, and the rest digging up old Night Elf underwear. Interest wasn’t entirely sure that Invariant was… normal.)

Just then Analogue stopped by. “Hey, I got these back from Divergent now that she’s done with them, and a couple more.” She tossed Interest a bag. “I heard you’re thinking of leveling. Ditch the bank guild and we’ll hook you up with some real guild perks, too. Gotta run. Raid in five. I’m still short one healer. Too bad you’re not one.”

Interest opened the bag. Inside… well, she didn’t know how Analogue had managed to get a sword that long into the bag. It looked far too big for her, but when she pulled it out, it felt just right. The breastplate fit beautifully – odd, that, considering it still had Divergent’s name written on the tag at the collar. How exactly does a gnome fit into a Draenei’s hand me downs? The helmet and back were entirely new. Analogue must have just bought them – for me! Interest thought excitedly. Ok! I can do this!

It had been so long since anyone noticed her. So long since she was anything but another banker. She summoned her Deathcharger, Pinky, who whinnied at her in excitement. “Let’s go,” she whispered. “I’ve got to get my talents redone.” They leapt through a Deathgate.

“You must choose your path,” her trainer announced when she reached him. “You must choose….”

“I’m going to be a tank,” Interest said confidently. “I want to be the center of attention. A whirling gnome of death, bringing vengeance on my enemies while protecting my friends. Also, I hear leveling in dungeons is fast and fun and the queue’s a lot shorter for a tank.”

The trainer eyed her. “Even shorter than you,” he confirmed. “Very well then. Now, we’ve made some changes to the tank trees since you came through here…”

“I know,” Interest said, and pulled out a note. “I want…. this spec. I found it on the internet. I’ll figure out what it does later.”

“Very well. Don’t forget to read Elitist Jerks.”

Thanks for indulging me. I don’t do fanfiction (anymore) (never did any for WoW anyway) but that was a fun little bit to write. But stripped of the fiction flourishes, last weekend I did have basically this happen. Dug up the troll sword BOA epic, had nothing to do with it, decided this required me to level my bank alt. I handed the bank guild over to one of Reversion’s alts and joined Crits. Fixed her up as a tank and queued for Hellfire.

Since I blog I can’t ever do a project without thinking of the blog. I remember Pugging Pally – those were always a great read – so I decided I’ll level Interest in pugs, as a tank, and tell what stories may come.

I’m not leveling her on a set schedule, or anything, but stay tuned for her adventures!

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