Dear DPSers: This is your midterm exam. All topics are open-book and may be answered as short essays or interpretive dance, your choice. Signed, Your Healer.
Your party comes equipped with a tank. His job is to get the skeletons and dragons to hit him. This is because he has a shield, or shiny armor, or… really thick fur. You, however, are wearing tissue paper (wet tissue paper, if you’re a mage). Even if you think it’s plate, it’s not, it’s just really shiny tissue paper.
Your job is to shoot things and make them die. Sometimes this makes them mad at you. Then they will come and hit you. I will try to keep you alive but it won’t work very well. At this point, there are three things you can do.
1. Stop hitting the dragon and hope it loses interest in you. This strategy obviously doesn’t work because no one ever tries it.
2. Keep hitting it and hope it dies before you do. This is the preferred behavior for mages and other suicidal maniacs.
3. Run screaming away from the tank while it tries to eat you. For best effect, bring it right over to me! After all, I am there to heal you, probably I’ll be even more able to do that at close range. And if not, maybe the mob will decide I taste better than you do.
Ooops! Now I’m dead. Assuming you notice this, Mr. Shadow Priest, what are you going to do?
1. Continue doing what you’re doing and hope they all die before you do
2. Try some of those weird spells from the “Holy” side of your book?
3. Hmm, what’s this “Shadowmeld” button do?
We survived! But I have no mana. What is the proper course of action?
1. Write a couple jokes in party chat while you wait for me to drink and then stand around waiting for me to heal you?
2. Same as above, except, since you’re a warlock, Life Tap as soon as I stand up?
3. Ask me for an innervate after I have finished eating and drinking?
4. Get bored and pull the next group?
Who can remove curses?
1. Druids and Priests
2. Druids and Mages
3. Druids, Priests, Shaman, and Paladins. This does not take any time at all in fights and if you ever have a curse on you after a fight, it means your healer sucks and should be booted.
Question Five: Why is my queue 30 minutes long? I want to go now!
1: It’s long because there are lots and lots of dps out there, and a lot fewer healers, and even fewer tanks.
2: It’s long because Blizzard hates me
3: It’s long because I have been a bad person and gotten on the ignore list of too many tanks
4. It’s long because sometimes tanks and healers get burned out and want to mindlessly dps things, or decided to go watch reruns of “Star Trek” instead.
Final Question, For Bonus Credit:
As a dps’er, the most important thing I bring to this pug is:
Situational Awareness, ie, noticing when I have aggro, taking the aggro’d mob back to the tank, picking up healing or tanking if the real healer/tank drops, knowledge of basic instance courtesy, and an understanding of what other classes can and cannot do?
The first two items directly affect your performance on meters. The third is unmeasurable, yet far more important. Your healer and tank may never say they notice, but they do; they always do. And it helps prevent tank burnout more than anything else out there since dual spec.
Reversion’s Bonus questions.
For extra credit answer the following multiple choice. Which answer best describes each of the following abilities.
A: A great tool for role players for their little charades. Of no use to actual game play.
B: Skill that lets you get some rest and take a break from combat. Good for mana regeneration.
C: Useless skill that does nothing but lower your dps.
D: Skill to dump agro or get stuff off you. Not ever to be used in parties. After all it is the tanks fault you pulled agro, right? I mean blizzard gave that skill to you for… well no reason really, so please don’t use it. Ever.
Army of the dead:
A: Really funny movie.
B: Great way to up your dps numbers at any time and any place.
C: Something tanks whine about when you use it at the wrong time and place. They are stupid liars so ignore them.
D: A great skill to relieve loneliness.
A: Freezes things near you and keeps them from moving away from that blizzard you are casting. That way I can build up lots and lots of agro with mobs that the tank may not be able to reach. Very handy for when your ghost needs to get out and some exercise.
B: Ability for keeping monsters from being able to get to the tank. This is useful because it allows the poor misunderstood monsters to take out their aggressing on any rogues, healers or mages that happen to be standing near them when you cast it.
C: None of the above
D: How can a nova be made of ice? Blizzard is stupid.
Final double extra credit question. Essay.
Someone has suggested you need to use a different skill, or update your spell ranks, or that you should be able to get a lot more than 1200 dps with all T9 gear. In 1000 words or less explain how they are clearly dumb, annoying, spamming you, making no sense, or could not possibly know anything about your class or gear. (hint ‘Huh?’ is an acceptable answer). For triple extra credit macro your answer to the number 1 key.