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I have not done a guide post in ages so hold on to your socks. Here goes.

Tanking Siege of Wyrmrest Temple for Dummies

It is easy! It is simple! Most of the tanks suck!

Wait what? Yeah. We have to kick them for extreme suckatude all the time. How is that possible? Easy! Most people don’t tank raids. By now all the hard core raiders are done with LRF and most of their alts are already geared up too. So you are left with people that don’t tank much. Have you been kicked from one? Do you die randomly or get whispers from irate healers? THIS IS THE POST FOR YOU!

 

Alright, that is enough capslock and exclamation points. Let’s get down to business.

Intro

Don’t que as a tank just to get a fast que. In raid finder this is both dumb and pointless. Do to the way statistics work tanks don’t have faster ques. If you want an instant que then click heals… And don’t tell anyone I told you that. I mean really. If you get kicked for extremely bad heals don’t you dare tell anyone I recommended you click heals. You know what? Don’t click heals. Just don’t.

Still reading? Then you must want to tank. You probably want to get that role bonus on real tank gear. Good. Lets do this.

 

Boss 1: More-standinbad-chok

Preboss trash:

Pull them, try to keep them all on you. Or let the other tank have one or two. Whatever. Nothing special about tanking these except doing threat to them. If you can’t do that then go play HelloKitty.

Boss:

He is big and he is easy. Pull him, stand there, hit him. If your health gets low or DBM whines at you then pop a cooldown. You do know what a cooldown is right? Oh for crying out loud… Any move that makes you die less is a ‘tanking cooldown’. Click = live = win. If you are not sure which of your moves make you dodge more, heal yourself, or take less damage then try a strategy I like to call: “read the damn tooltip”.

Where was I? Oh right, the boss. When he summons rocks and stuns you for a few seconds go and run behind one. Keep him targeted. When his cast is about done, go out and tank him some more. That is all. If you mess this one up please please please just que as DPS and stand around sucking your thumb like most of them do. We will all be happier that way. You can’t possibly do worse DPS than that hunter pulling 8 k last night.

 

Boss 2: Tentacleguy

What? That is not his name? Do you think I can be bothered to look them up and spell them right? His The trash around him is tentacles. You can’t miss him. He is on the left side when you go into Wyrmrest.

Preboss trash: Tentacles. Get on the biggest one and tank it. If it knocks you back move back to it again. Repeat for all packs.

Boss:

Pull boss. Stand in the center. Tank him. It is a one tank fight. Pop cooldowns if you get low on health. When the floor turns black move to stand in whatever AOE heals are near you. This boss (on LFR) might be the easiest boss to tank ever.

 

Boss 3: Slime dude

Yeah he has slimes. On the right when you go into wyrmrest.

Preboss trash:

Kill the slime packs. DON’T pull two packs. Mark a target. A purple one or blue one or whatever. Someone will tell you that you picked wrong no matter which you chose. Just pull one and watch their health bars. Whichever people are hitting more, do more threat to that one. Repeat for all packs.

Boss:

Did I say the last boss was the easiest ever? I lied. This one is. Stand in the center and tank him. That is all. Every now and then the DPS will run off and kill something. Ignore them. Some loudmouth is sure to point them at the right slime so don’t worry about any of that. Oh, if lots of adds spawn, do some AOE and help kill them faster. If a mana void spawns use some cooldowns until it dies. Space them out though. Those morons are not likely to kill it very fast. Until it dies your healers have no mana so use those cooldowns and stay alive.

 

Boss 4: Ice Wall dude… er chick?

Yeah ‘she’ is up top through the portal.

Pre boss trash:

Let people CC if they want. Don’t stress about it. Stuff comes from all around so keep your eyes open and your taunts handy. When the last big dude comes out pull him to the edge of the platform. That way when the boss spawns it kills the dumbest DPSer who forgot to move. This is LOADS of laughs so don’t taunt and spoil the fun.

Boss:

Pick the boss up as soon as that person dies. Now back up FAST. Are you dead? Yeah you should have finished reading this before pulling. This boss does something called ‘ferocious assault’. Or maybe ‘Frenzied Attack’? or was it ‘mana rage’? Whatever it is you will notice when it 2 shots you. Then someone will berez you and you can try again. Watch for the other tank to get killed by it too. He did not read this post. Now check your DBM timers. Every time the Frenzied Assault is about to go off… BACK UP! When it starts going off, keep backing up and pop a cooldown if you have one. If you do this you will live every time. If you don’t you are putting your life in the hands of the healers who are all checking facebook after that boring trash. Don’t do it! Back up 3 steps and amaze everyone with your incredible tanking skills. Other than that… follow everyone else. If they run out to the edge and you see a big add, tank it. If you see some crystal, kill that. As you are killing it watch for ice spike walls. Do NOT move until you see them. Once they spawn move clockwise and DON’T touch the wall. Also don’t look now but another wall is behind you. Yeah if you slow down you die. Don’t worry about the walls killing half the raid. That always happens. Enough will survive to win the fight… maybe.

 

Next time… Deathwing!

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